Ah, the sweet, mystifying saga of the Hibiscus Battle Hogz GM. If fantasy football had an award for “Most Entertainingly Poor Decision-Making,” this guy would be giving an acceptance speech faster than you can say, “Why did he trade Jalen Hurts?”
Let’s rewind to the BAFFL keeper selection meeting, where dreams are made, and, as it turns out, shattered. Each team gets to keep two players from the prior season—a simple enough concept, right? But the Battle Hogz GM decided to spice things up. In what can only be described as a moment of “bold vision,” he decided that Jalen Hurts—yes, that Jalen Hurts who’s lighting up the league with 23 points per game—just wasn’t his cup of tea. Instead, he traded him for a receiver putting up a mighty eight points per game, making other GMs wonder if the guy even understood how numbers work.
Not only did he give Hurts the boot, but he also opened the floodgates for a pool of fantasy studs like David Montgomery, Tony Pollard, and Nico Collins to make their way back into the draft. Generous of him, really. If fantasy football were based on donations, he’d be leading the charge.
Now, the Battle Hogz sit at a humbling 4-5, hovering dangerously close to the dreaded fishbowl, a place where rosters go to drown, and GMs contemplate their life choices. The question on everyone’s mind? How would things look if he’d just kept Hurts and, oh, maybe that second-round pick he traded with him?!
But the hits didn’t stop there. The late round draft picks and waiver wire, a treasure trove for some, turned into a tragicomic parade for our hapless GM. He’s picked up and then unceremoniously dropped the likes of Jordan Mason, Ray Davis, and Deandre Hopkins, each of whom could have been assets to his ever-floundering team. Mason and Davis were drafted and dropped, while Hopkins was scooped up for a sizable FAAB investment, only to be shown the door after a mere two weeks.
And then, in a grand attempt to shore up his non-existent tight end game, our fearless GM shelled out nearly half his FAAB budget on a tight end ranked somewhere in the “fifteenth-or-lower” range. Maybe it was the thrill, or maybe he’s just a sucker for a bargain—but whatever the case, the TE gamble predictably fizzled out.
Now, if you happen to be one of the teams gunning for that championship, perhaps you owe the Hogz GM a heartfelt thank you card. After all, without his wild generosity and gut-driven roster moves, a lot of great players might not have been available to the rest of BAFFL. As for the Battle Hogz, perhaps next season they’ll start a GoFundMe for “keeper selection counseling.”
BAFFL 