In the storied halls of the BAFFL group chat, there exists a unique figure who claims to have the pulse of the entire league under his watchful eye: The Oracle. Or so he’d have us believe. This General Manager, we’ll call him sounds like “Miss Hotstove” for now (in case he’s tracking this article in real time), has been tirelessly warning, predicting, and lamenting his fate since draft day. His method? Throwing out subtle jabs in the group chat, hoping for a mix of sympathy, validation, or just a sliver of acknowledgment. The man lives and dies by every snap.
Miss Hotstove’s preoccupation with predicting every outcome has earned him a reputation for overanalysis. Each Monday night, the tension is palpable in the BAFFL chat as he slowly unravels when the game script doesn’t go as he foresaw. From frantic predictions about breakout players to woe-is-me comments, his digital fingerprints are everywhere.
The Draft: Where it All Began
It’s worth noting that Miss Hotstove had the most draft picks early on—a golden opportunity to craft a powerhouse roster. That’s exactly what Miss did. From the outside looking in, it appears he has created a team primed for BAFFL dominance. But as many of us know, fantasy football has no shortage of twists, turns, and cruel twists of fate. His loss in week 3 is a perfect example.
But maybe, Miss Hotstove’s fortune-telling started to come undone before the draft. Now that I think about it, his predictions were thrown into disarray by one other manager: let’s call him “GM X.”
The “Other” GM: Silent But Deadly
GM X made two quiet, almost forgettable moves before the season started. Miss Hotstove, in true fashion, exploded. His claims of “league-shattering moves” filled the group chat, convinced that these decisions were absurd and would lead to certain doom for GM X. Miss Hotstove even declared the moves “couldn’t possibly work” and prepared himself for a season where his clairvoyance would be proven true for all to see.
And yet, three weeks into the season, GM X sits at a pristine 3-0.
Now the group chat is filled with the sound of silence from Miss Hotstove—well on the prediction front. It’s full of violin filled comments.
Riding the Rollercoaster of Emotions
What makes Miss Hotstove’s situation even more intriguing is how he’s riding the fantasy rollercoaster with all of us as passengers. If you’re in the BAFFL chat (and you know who you are), you’ve probably seen his sharp downturn in spirit after a gut-wrenching Thursday night game or a sudden turnaround into pure elation after an unexpected touchdown. It’s an emotional seesaw, and we’re all there for it.
While referring to his Week 3 opponent on Sunday, Miss Hotstove wrote in the BAFFL chat:
“Guy scored back to back 50 points.
Now has 2 players with over 50 combined.”
Miss Hotstove would mention this an additional two times on Monday night. And shockingly, the Mystics did not have two players with 50 points.
Of course, that emotional tilt reached a new height when Miss Hotstove decided to publicly call out the author of this very newsletter for “not being funny.” It’s unclear whether this was a strategic deflection, a plea for help, or an attempt to change the narrative, but rest assured, we’re watching—and still laughing, Miss Hotstove.
The Road Ahead
With plenty of weeks left in the season, there’s still ample time for Miss Hotstove’s team to live up to the early-draft hype. You wouldn’t know it, but it is. One thing is for sure, his claims of prophetic prowess will only be solidified if he can guide his team to victory over the coming months.
But for now, as GM X’s team keeps steamrolling, the rest of the BAFFL watches in awe, waiting for Miss Hotstove’s next proclamation—or perhaps his next meltdown.
Stay tuned, because if there’s one thing we’ve learned in BAFFL, it’s that the unexpected is always around the corner, and Miss Hotstove will be there, claiming he saw it coming all along.
— Your hilarious BAFFL insider
BAFFL 