Before getting into the rankings, I just gotta say – this week was tough. Injuries have shaken up the dynamics of the league, and from where I sit there are like 2-3 good teams, a bunch of mediocre teams, and a few truly horrible rosters. The rankings could have some wild swings in the 10-4 range, and as last week showed even some of the good teams are an injury away from turning into a pumpkin.
14. Mystics 0-2 (-1)
There’s no way to spin it any way other than this: the Mystics have had a disastrous start to the season. Averaging just over 50 points in back to back weeks in a half PPR league is straight up embarrassing. Baker Mayfield was the only player on his team to score double digits this week. His best bench option to shake things up is Chubba Hubbard. If Ja’Marr Chase doesn’t return to top 3 WR form soon – this roster is in BIG Trouble and GM Noel could be the first 2x Chomps Gregory owner in league history.
13. Crickets 2-0 (+1)
With the dumpster fire going on at the Mystics franchise, I couldn’t keep this team dead last at 2-0 in good conscience, but make no mistake about it, this team is god awful. On weeks that Saquon and Hurts go off – they have a ceiling of ~85 points, on weeks that they struggle this team will likely score in/around 50 points. Once McCaffrey comes back they will go back to being the league punching bag / free spot on the bingo card. Expect the party to end this week, with the juggernaut BIG GUYs in town to finally put the crickets in their place.
12. Delamere Dawgpound 0-2 (-)
The defending champs are off to a tough start, falling to 0-2 with a disappointing effort against the Karps. Davante Adams had a vintage performance and with the other star WRs going down – could be a top 5 option at the position all year. Outside of Adams and a 32 carry performance from Jacobs – there isn’t a lot to get excited about on this roster. Aiyuk continues to struggle, Waddle’s outlook for the season took a drastic hit, and Kyle Pitts went back to being Kyle Pitts in week 2. The Dawgpound need a spark soon, or they may find themselves going from Championship to fighting for their lives in the Chomps bowl this season.
11. Lords of the Valley 1-1 (-4)
After a solid week 1 the Lords came crashing back down to earth with a pathetic 58 point performance. Stefon Diggs once again had a low volume day, but this time he wasn’t able to salvage the game with a 2TD performance. Mattison had one (1) yard rushing, and Kyren Willams is likely to have a severely diminished outlook as legitimately the only threat left on the Rams – he can expect to see stacked boxes until Nacua and/or Kupp return. Travis Kelce continues to look like an absolute dud of a pick, and Jared Goff had a brutal game. To top it all off, keeper Deebo Samuel went down with an injury, and will be on the shelf for at least a couple weeks. Needless to say – things aren’t looking good in the Valley and GM Nyler hopes his new signings will give the squad a spark going into week 3.
10. Aquarium Avenue Magikarps 1-1 (-4)
The Karps got the win in week 3 – but at what cost? After getting some brutal injury news earlier in the week on McCaffrey, the hits kept on coming with first round pick Cooper Kupp also headed to the IR. The Karps were working the waiver wire hard on Wednesday to plug some holes, and brought in some help to stop the bleeding, but this roster is looking rough compared to the one GM Devan rosterbated to post-draft. If he can tread water until Kupp and McCaffrey come back, he could be in the mix to make a deep playoff run, but that’s a big if and if these signings don’t hit he could be looking at a rare season finishing out of the playoffs for this storied franchise.
9. Creek Crossing ZenSharks 1-1 (+2)
The Sharks had a bounce back performance in week 2, doubling up a Hogz squad with a depleted lineup. His keepers continue to deliver, Kyler Murray showed why GM Shark invested in him, and Jameson Williams had a surprisingly high target share in a good day, even if if it was a step back from his week 1 explosion. As we noted to start the season, where this team really struggles is in their depth, and the Sharks are looking for answers after miserable performances by Tank Dell, Christian Watson, and Christian Kirk. It’s a good thing Williams looks like a hit, because if not the Sharks would be dressing 3 receivers where putting up 0 points is firmly in the range of outcomes.
8. Aconitum Wolves 1-1 (+2)
Another team with a bounce back performance – the Wolves put up a 100 spot against the Lords to get in the win column. Zach Charbonnet looked awful in a spot start for Kenny W, but he volumed his way to a good fantasy showing. Most encouraging – the Sun God had a monster performance, with 19(!) targets in a fairly low scoring game. First round pick Drake London also had a more encouraging performance – even if his fantasy day was saved by a last minute touchdown.
7. Crevassse Cheeks 0-2 (-3)
If the Cheeks had the same schedule as the Crickets they’d be 2-0 right now, but alas, fuckin’ way she goes and the Cheeks are off to 0-2 with two brutal defensive performances. The Cheeks caught some tough breaks in week 2, with Evan Engram getting hurt in pre-game warmups, and Josh Allen not needing to throw the ball in a blowout Thursday night win. Despite the record, we are still bullish on the Cheeks this season – Rhamondre and Pollard look like every week starters, and Bijan is starting to look worthy of the #1 overall pick now that he’s free of the Arthur Smith shackles. Expect this team to bounce back and be there come playoff time – if they can get their defense in order and stop giving up 100+ points to their opponents.
6. Voldemorts 1-1 (-1)
It looked like the Volds were going to cruise to a 2-0 start early on Sunday and another dominant victory, with Kamara putting up 3TDs in the first half against the Cowboys. Proving it’s not over until it’s over, the rest of the roster completely shit the bed, allowing Harvey to snag the win with a merely average performance. The Volds also may have to do without “President Mixon” for a spell as the Volds keeper left his week 2 game with injury.
5. Pepsiland Pontooners 1-1 (+4)
The Tooners bounced back in week 2, putting up 104 points in an impressive victory. After everyone laughed as Maserati Marv’s week one performance, he came back with a vengeance doing more in the first quarter than most WRs did all week. Brock Bowers might be the best TE in the league this year and is seeing crazy volume through two weeks. Unfortunately, the Tooners lost Pacheco for the bulk of the regular season, but Brian Robinson looks like a plug and play replacement that most teams would kill for at RB.
4. Hibiscus Battle Hogz 1-1 (-2)
It was one of those weeks for the Hogz. GM Corey went into Thursday hoping to lay down a marker in the (now cooled) rivalry week vs the Sharks, but instead his QB is on the IR contemplating retirement, and his WR1 had an abysmal performance with Skyler Thompson taking over QB duties. To top it off, AJ Brown picked up an injury at practice, and looks to be out for at least a couple of weeks. With that said, it’s not all doom and gloom for the Hogz – with a week to prepare, the Dolphins will definitely have a better game plan to get Tyreek the ball as often as possible. Samaje Perine is now a startable fantasy asset – and is sure to get the bulk of the passing work in the Chief’s offense. The Hogz will be fine, and have the horses to survive the next couple weeks without star receiver AJ Brown.
3. BIG GUYs 2-0 (+5)
The BIG GUYs move to 2-0 after another impressive performance in week 2, and could be headed to 3-0 this week with a soft matchup against the Crickets. First round (responsible/adult) draft pick Nico Collins looks like a home run, and with star WRs going down across the league, is in the conversation for fantasy WR1 early in the season. Keeper James Cook also could be a home run, with no target hog on the Bills, the offense has become more balanced and could be run-heavy many weeks. The only blight on what otherwise was an amazing week was the performance of QB Anthony Richardson, who looked god-awful in what should have been an easy matchup against a love-less Green Bay squad. If Richardson is half as good as GM Pearno thinks he is – this team could be a contender.
2. Thresher Tornados 1-1 (+1)
The Tornados would have beat every other team in the league this week, and they would have beaten their opponent too, if GM Brent had checked his roster at any point during the week. Through 2 weeks, JK Dobbins is likely the steal of the draft, and Chris Godwin might be runner up. If Mahomes can get going, this team could be scary.
1. Naatur Triil Angers 2-0 (-)
Chris Anderton: No doubt the precogs have already seen this.
Brent Burgess: No doubt.
Chris Anderton: You see the dilemma don’t you. If you don’t kill me, precogs were wrong and precrime is over. If you do kill me, you go away, but it proves the system works. The precogs were right. So, what are you going to do now? What’s it worth? Just one more championship? You’ll rot in hell with a halo, but people will still believe in precrime. All you have to do is kill me like they said you would. Except you know your own future, which means you can change it if you want to. You still have a choice Brent. Like I did.
Another week, another win prediction comes true. GMGrove predicted the precrime of Brent not dressing a tight end. His sentence? A heartbreaking loss in which he had to stay up to the end of MNF to discover.
BAFFL 