It was an eventful week 1 in BAFFL that brought pre-snap FAAB spending, a YUGE upset causing a SPP bloodbath and many matchups coming down to the wire. Some managers are already starting to panic, while others are feeling bricked up about their team. There is no shortage of drama and speculation and your boy, Adumb is here to break it down.
Trade Winds are Blowing
Two General Managers have used the “trade block” function on the Sleeper App to let the rest of the league know they are open for business. This is a stark upgrade from the usual “I am open for business” message that is sent in the group chat and then reposted by 10 other managers stating, “me too”.
The two players on the block are:
- Zeke Elliott (Voldemorts)
- Rashid Shaheed (Tornados)
Call me fucking crazy, but I think this makes too much sense for both teams. Do these GM’s even talk? If you look at the depth of both these teams, this is the easiest 1-for-1 of all time. Tank is eating into ETN’s workload and Mike Williams didn’t hit the field for a snap.
The Pontooners are coming off one of the worst losses in franchise history. The loss is one thing, but the #1 overall pick in the BAFFL draft put up an absolute stinker. As I recently reported on, X, we aren’t even sure if the ‘Tooners have the fish at this point, but if he does, he might as well get comfortable if moves aren’t made. GM Guy expressed his displeasure picking first overall, how patient will he be with Marvin Harrison Jr?
Waiver Wire Frenzy
BAFFL is in full form as Tank Bigsby signed with the Sharks for $37. The Sharks beat out seven other teams trying to acquire his services and just beat out the Wolves who were offering $1 less. Tank loves his Pez, so every dollar counts.
In the wake of all tight ends sucking a huge dong, the waiver wire has become an all-out shit-show. The Battle Hogz swooped in to grab Isaiah Likely after the Ravens peppered him with targets. Too bad his paddles are so big, he was an inch from scoring a second touchdown at the end of their week 1 matchup. I can only imagine what the winning bid would’ve been if that touchdown held. The Hogz and the Voldemorts offered the same contract, but Likely ultimately chose the opportunity with Hogz where “free throw pillow” incentives were thrown into the contract. The GM has been taking down ads on marketplace so he can hold true to his promise.
Meanwhile, the Mystics made a sneaky under-the-radar pickup of Greg Dortch after a solid performance.
But not everyone’s happy about the waiver frenzy. Teams are frustrated with the Crotch Crickets GM for playing “keep-away” and setting the tone for the spending spree out of the gate. Get out your wallets, managers.
First Round Busts
Another developing story is the terrible first round drafting by several GMs. FIVE first round picks scored under five fantasy points in week 1:
- Marvin Harrison Jr (Pontooners)
- Drake London (Wolves)
- Travis Kelce (Lords of the Valley)
- Chris Olave (Sharks)
- Brandon Aiyuk (Dawgpound)
Of these teams, only the Lords of the Valley were able to get a win this week.
Spilling the Tea
We’ve got a few sips of tea to spill so let’s get after it…
Auto-sub
All offseason, GM’s were raving about Sleeper, particularly the “auto-sub” feature. Yet, it wasn’t used for the #1 overall fantasy player. Christian McCaffrey didn’t touch a ball…well…a football, all offseason. He was questionable heading into the game, and yet, a Co-Commisioner had to use his powers to ensure the Magikarps fielded a full roster. Seems kind of Margikarpy.
Nicknames
Some GM’s have added nicknames to their players. I would like to thank those GM’s for adding some entertainment to the league, whether they are lame or not. One caught my eye and was quickly deleted. GM Harvey updated Dallas Goedert’s nickname to “Balding like Nick” then quicky removed the nickname. I don’t think GM Harvey realized the name and subsequent deletion had been posted publicly on the chat. No ATIP needed. Hilarious content that flew under the radar.
SPP
While the trades and waiver wire moves have been juicy, the real drama might be happening in the league’s group chat.
GM Conde has ruled SPP quite softly over the past few years. However, similar to his handling of the fish, many GM’s are feeling like he fucked up with his latest decision to eliminate GM Tyler from the first SPP of 2024. The ruling came in quickly after GM Tyler pointed out (kindly) that he had chosen the Valley of the Lords as his SPP. We soon discovered that GM Tyler used SSP rather than SPP because, well, he is an idiot. The ruling gave GM Desormeaux the first SPP win of the season, someone that GM Conde may be looking to suck up to after trading him a broken Mark Andrews and buying a beta fish.
Where is Chomps?
It’s been radio silence regarding the league’s fish (I would call it by name if I remembered what it was) since a defensive, yet informative, 20 minute presentation from GM Conde at the draft. I’ve reached out to league reps and the Cheeks with no luck. The silence has me wondering if the league is considering disciplinary action. Stay tuned on this developing story.
Buckle up, managers. This season’s just getting started!
BAFFL 