September is such a magical time of year: the nights are starting to get cooler, kids are back in school, pumpkin spice lattes are everywhere, the Dufresnes are already thinking about Christmas decorations, but most importantly – BAFFL is BACK. What better way to celebrate the return of the greatest fantasy league of all time than to overreact to week 1 and power rank all of our fantasy squads in what will surely be an accurate picture of the playoff teams at the end of the year.
#1 – Launay McFavres 1-0 (-)
The defending champs kick off the season in style with a win over the perennial contender Pontooners. They pick up the convincing win despite lacklustre performances by Barkley, Sanders, their defence, and a big ol’ donut from Dallas Goedert. None of that mattered because it turns out Tyreek Hill is still really, really good at playing football. The McFavres have 3 workhorse RBs, one of the best receivers in the game, and two solid QBs with Jordan Love looking like he might continue the packers unbelievable streak of QB play over the last 30 years. This team is a wagon and could easily go back-to-back.
#2 – Aquarium Avenue Magikarps 1-0 (-)
To no one’s surprise CMC and Ekeler both had fantastic days, and these two should lead the karps to a lot of victories this season. The rest of the team were major disappointments, with his WR1/2, RB3 and TE putting up a combined 12.1 points. It didn’t matter against the lowly valley lords, but if the karps want to compete for a championship they’re going to have to figure something out in a hurry. Zay Jones had a promising start on the bench, but can he be relied on to fill the gap until Kupp returns? Will DJ Moore actually turn into the fantasy threat he has always promised to be? The Karps have more questions than answers at this point, but with their two stud RBs they should still stay in the upper echelon of BAFFL teams.
#3 – Hibiscus Battle Hogz 1-0 (-)
The Hogz were one of only 3 teams to break the century mark, and they did so with mediocre performances from Jalen Hurts and AJ brown in a monsoon game. Calvin Ridley shook off any doubts of rust after a year long absence from the league with a monster performance week 1, and should be Trevor Lawrence’s go-to target all year long. Pollard had a great night, and Montgomery looks to be the workhorse back in Detroit despite continuing to show no burst or big play ability. If Monty continues to get 20 carries a game, and the eagles duo returns to form, this team could be a problem for fellow BAFFL owners all year long.
#4 – Crevasse Cheeks 1-0 (-)
Bijan showed why he was the #1 BAFFL pick with his performance in week 1 – his touchdown reception was incredible, shaking off one defender and steamrolling through 2 others at lightning speed to take it to the house. Tyler Allgeier vultured two touchdowns and a fair amount of snaps from Robinson, but that is unlikely to be the case all season long, and the Falcons run the ball enough that it might not even matter. Nick Chubb was Nick Chubb and shows no signs of slowing down, and AJs strategy of all late round WRs paid off with big games from Aiyuk, Addison, Pittman, and Nacua. If Joe Burrow gets back to form, this team will be one to be reckoned with.
#5 – Thresher Tornados 1-0 (-)
The darlings of the draft had a so-so week 1, but the Tornados put a victory on the board. Jefferson and Olave had monster games, and Etienne Jr. looks to be a solid addition to the squad. On the flip side, Dak had a miserable fantasy day, Drake London put up a donut, and the Tornados bench is looking pretty thin, with the exception of Gus Edwards who may become relevant with the injury to Dobbins. The Tornados never seem to learn their lesson with D’Andre Swift, no amount of wishing will make this guy a reliable fantasy option.
#6 – Minoterie BIG GUYS 0-1 (-)
The BIG guys ran into a tough matchup week 1 and didn’t quite get the job done, but there are reasons to be optimistic in Minoterie. Antonio Gibson’s fumble troubles continue, meaning Brian Robinson likely has the backfield all to himself, and even factored into the receiving game in week 1. Anthony Richardson looked like he will immediately be a fantasy difference maker, and could have some monster weeks with multiple rushing touchdowns. The biggest concern has to be the miserable outing for first round pick Dameon Pierce, who had a tough matchup, but every matchup on the Texans schedule is tough for them, and they are likely to be playing from behind for most of the season.
#7 – Moustache Mystics 1-0 (-)
If you just looked at the box score, you would assume the Noel’s team would be much higher in the rankings, but a look under the hood shows that it was not all roses for the Mystics, who at one point on Sunday were flirting with a loss to the bottom feeding Voldemorts. The mystics were saved by an incredible second half from Aaron Jones, and a whopping 37 point performance by the Dallas D. Deshaun Watson might be one of the steals of the draft – putting up an impressive 20 point performance in miserable conditions in Cleveland. On the flip side, Christian Kirk was invisible, Williams and Herbert had ok days on offenses that might be miserable all season long, and star WR Ja’Marr chase put up a dud after disrespecting the Browns all week. If one or two of these guys bounces back, the Mystics could climb the rankings next week, but time will tell if they can pull themselves out of the BAFFL basement.
#8 – Delamere Dawgpound 0-1 (-)
The Delamere Raiders had a tough start to the season running into the Crevasse Cheeks, but would have beaten a fair amount of teams with their 82 point performance. Herbert had a solid outing, and Mike Evans looks to be a great value pick. Adams, Cooper, and Jacobs had poor showings, but all of them should bounce back as the season progresses. The Dawgpound don’t have a lot of glaring weaknesses, and should be able to make their way into the playoffs as they do every year. The big question will be if this team has enough to get themselves over the hump and bring home a championship to the desperate fans of Delamere Way.
#9 – Creek Crossing ZenSharks 1-0 (-)
The ZenSharks pulled out a win in week 1 but would have lost to most other teams in the league. GM Shark’s squad has a great collection of wide receivers in Metcalfe, St. Brown, Allen and Flowers, but features zero (0) running backs who presently occupy starting roles. Hall and Gibbs are electric to be sure – and will very likely end the season as bigtime fantasy players, but the Sharks may not be able to survive the first half without a RB who gets more than 10 touches per game. The Sharks will be working the phones in the early season to see if they can get some RB help to bridge the gap, and hope that QB Lamar Jackson turns it around, but secretly hoping that he just sucks all year and the Browns demolish the rest of the AFC north.
#10 – Pepsiland Pontooners 0-1 (-)
The tooners got steamrolled by the defending champs in week 1, and it would have been worse if not for an outstanding performance by Tua and 13 points from the san fran D. The Tennessee offense can’t score touchdowns, shittsburgh sucks, Higgins put up a donut, and Smith-Njigba is the third option on a mediocre offense. There’s no help on the bench for this team either, so the Pepsiland GM better start working the phones soon, or hope that Travis Kelce single handedly can win him enough games to keep out of the fish bracket.
#11 – Nature Valley (EB?) Angry Birdz 0-1 (-)
What rebrand? This team can’t even manage to change their name in Yahoo, no wonder they opted to just keep the name and maybe eventually get around to updating the team location. The product on the field was not much better this week, with poor showings from Mixon and White, and Justin Fields reverting back to his rookie form. This team better hope Taylor hits the ground running when he returns in week 5, or it could be a Chompgrove reunion in 2024.
#12 – Voldemorts 0-1 (-)
This pile of hot garbage of a roster actually exceeded (very low) expectations in week 1. Mattison and Stevenson had OK days, Courtland Sutton found the end zone, and Michael Thomas looked OK. Unfortunately for the Voldemorts, the 80 point range might be the ceiling for this team, leaving GM Deebers to once again pray he does just enough to avoid the fish, and maybe hang onto his first round pick this year in hopes of one day improving.
#13 – Lords of the Valley 0-1 (-)
This team started Damien Harris in their lineup in week 1, and I’m not sure much else needs to be said. Chomps: get ready to learn valley buddy!
#14 – Aconitum Wolves 0-1 (-)
Going into week 1 I did not think I would have the Commissioner’s team down at the bottom of the rankings, but it could not have gone worse for the Wolves and GM Begin is down bad. Najee Richardson was pathetic in week 1, and handcuff Jaylen Warren was no better. The wolves lost JK Dobbins for the year, and their RB situation may be worse than the Sharks. Kyle Pitts continues to be Kyle Pitts – expect the Wolves to start scouring the waiver wire TE wasteland by about week 5. You can’t win the league in one week, but you might be able to lose it, and GM Begin’s squad certainly gave it their best effort.
BAFFL 
🔥
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