Rumours of our demise at BAFFL.ca have been greatly exaggerated. The liberal media wants to keep us down, they can’t handle the truth that gets spilled from this column on a weekly periodic basis. But rest assured friends, I will never stop fighting for the little guy, and bringing you honest and hard hitting analysis on everyone’s favourite league that you won’t find anywhere else.
To all our valued readers: I’m sorry for the lack of communication the past several weeks. Life (mostly FIFA/Peloton) has gotten in the way of the column. But going forward, I promise you I will make this column a priority! Still below world cup and working out, but a priority nonetheless.
Now, let’s get back to it. A LOT has changed since the last rankings came out. A lot of teams have made drastic moves up and down the rankings. Are the playoff hogz for real? Are the chomps lords a fraud? Read on to find out.
#1 – AA Magikarps 9-2 (-)
Some things change, some things stay the same. The Karps are 9-2 and the first team to clinch a playoff spot. The cracks are starting to show though, with the Karps squeaking by the last two weeks with 85 and 79 point victories. 80 points might be enough to take down the BIG GUYs and Sharks, but it’s not going to cut it against the top teams come playoff time.
#2 – Pepsiland Pontooners 8-3 (-)
After having their 4 game win streak broken in Week 8, the Pontooners followed it up with: another 4 game win streak. This team is red hot and with Goedert out, and the Cheeks irrelevant, the Tooners hold a MASSIVE edge on every other team in the league at the tight end position. The rest of us are praying our bozos fall into the end zone once, and catch 4 passes for 36 yards, while Travis Kelce is out here putting up multi-TD 100 yard performances on the regular. Add that to a team with solid performers up and down the lineup, and King Henry, and we understand why GM Dufresne wants nothing to do with this team come playoff time.
#3 – EB Angry Birdz 8-3 (-)
Jonathan Taylor is BACK, and despite the recent loss the Birdz are one of the favourite teams to win it all come playoff time. Their only enemy is completely unfathomable luck for their opponents. A running back who scores lots of touchdowns scored 3 touchdowns against them this week – can you imagine that happening to you? It’s outrageous, it’s not fair!! This team has never had anything remotely comparable happen to them, and the bad luck birdz are always on the wrong end of lady luck. GMGrove might want to hire some sort of shaman to cleanse his team going into the playoffs, as that’s really the only thing that can stop this juggernaut.
#4 – McFavres 8-3 (+4)
The McFavres D keeps getting it done week after week, holding the powerhouse Angry Birdz to 70 points and escaping with a 86-70 victory. If Kittle keeps rolling, this team could make some serious noise come playoff time, with two solid RB options to work with.
#5 – Delamere Dawgpound 6-5 (+5)
After finally ridding themselves of the anchor that is Ezekiel Elliott, this team looks poised to make a serious run come playoff time. In this author’s opinion, the dawg pound round out what is a clear separation between the top 5 teams, and the “everybody else” category, who are duking it out for spots 6-8 only to get slaughtered in the first round by one of the top teams. Jacobs continues to be the pick of the draft, Davante Adams is a beast, and Dak Prescott is one of the top QB options in the league on a weekly basis.
#6 – DB FraudLords 5-6 (-2)
The Spa Lords dropped a tough matchup to the Sharks, who had lost 5 in a row coming into the week. Mahomes and Cook are great fantasy options, but the rest of his team is so boom/bust that it’s tough to trust this team on a week to week basis, and unlikely that everyone on his team will go off at the same time. This team should make the playoffs on the back of their points for, but they have a tough matchup this week against a desperate BIG GUYs club, and a couple more losses will send the spa lords into the chomps bracket.
#7 – Hibiscus Playoff Hogz 5-6 (+7)
Death, Taxes, and the Battle Hogz coming back from an atrocious start to scratch and claw their way into the playoff conversation. Picking up the QB1 will do that to a team, and some patience with players such as Rachaad White have finally started to pay off for the Hogz. The season hinges on the Justin Fields injury though – if he is out for any amount of time it could derail the team at the worst time. Yes they have Watson for next week, but they might not be able to survive a loss this week against the voldemorts, and who knows what kind of fantasy output Watson will provide in his first game in 2 years.
#8 – Minoterie lil’ GUYS 4-7 (-3)
The BIG GUYs formula for victory has been clear all season: if the Bills put up a 40 burger he will dominate most teams. Unfortunately for GM Allen, the Bills have been very inconsistent and not the powerhouse team everyone thought would run away with the AFC East. The BIG GUYs need to spend a little more time in the gym this season and work on their draft muscles. This offseason, the tombstone of the BIG GUYs will read: “He drafted Montgomery and Dillon in the first round.”
#9 – Aconitum Wolves 5-6 (-3)
Rigging the schedule can only get you so far, and after a 4-2 start the Wolves record is now much closer to what this dumpster fire of a roster deserves. The Wolves are in the BAFFL record books already this season with an embarrassing 36.22 point performance in Week 9, and have cracked the century mark only twice this season (127 points week 2, 101.82 week 8 against the pitiful Offenders D). The ceiling for this team is eliminated in the first round of the playoffs, but more likely this team is in the chomps bracket at 5-9.
#10 – Creek Crossing Sharks 5-6 (-2)
The losing streak is finally over, but the Sharks are far from locked into a playoff spot and have an automatic loss this week against the powerhouse dawg pound. They’ll need to win their last two matchups to even have a shot at the dance, but GM Sheahan will likely be happy to end up in the 9-10 spot to avoid the goldfish, and look to complete the rebuild next year with Hall/Etienne as keepers, and a plethora of early round draft picks.
#11 – Voldemorts 4-7 (-2)
The Voldemorts bolstered their roster at the trade deadline in a move that highlighted why the goldfish is such an amazing addition to the league: nobody is content to just suck and get the top draft pick next year if the price is caring for chomps for a year. On paper, this team looks relatively scary with Herbert, Samuel, Stevenson, Higbee and Kamara, but between injuries and inconsistency it just hasn’t come together for the team who shall not be named this year.
#12 – Crevasse Cheeks 4-7 (-)
The cheeks roster is depressing to look at. None of the players are horrible, and they would all surely be rostered in most leagues, but outside of Andrews there is just nothing to get excited about. I don’t really have a lot to say here, this team sucks but just a little less than the bottom two teams and might be able to avoid a goldfish.
#13 – Essex Offenders 3-8 (-)
This team is also depressing to look at, but for different reasons. The Offenders looked like the winners of the draft, but a combination of inconsistency and horrible D have the Offenders at 3-8 and almost certainly out of playoff contention, and firmly in the mix for chomps. An amazing feat for a team with the best WR, and possibly best keeper in the entire league. Jefferson might be enough on his own to keep Chomps from making the long move to Belleville this offseason.
#14 – Moustache Mystics 3-8 (-2)
53, 74, 67, 56 – these are the point totals the Mystics have managed the last 4 weeks without Ja’Marr chase. Nothing less than a fully healthy, impactful Chase returning can save GM Moustache from becoming the first ever 2x chomps owner.
BAFFL 