Week 6 was a crazy one in BAFFL and had a little bit of everything: massive upsets, close games, and another miserable outing from the Battle Hogz. This week features some BIG risers and fallers, as the cream of the BAFFL crop begins to take shape.
#1 – AA Magikarps (-)
It was a down week for the Karps with Jalen Hurts, Mike Williams, Cooper Kupp, and Dallas Goedert under-performing… and the karps would have still beaten every other team in BAFFL. Please, GMs, I beg you, do not trade him your first round picks next year no matter how kind he is or how many flowers he buys you.
#2 – Pepsiland Pontooners (-)
Make it 4 wins in a row for the Pontooners, who escaped hogwarts and the bye week blues with a 64-63 win (?) against the team who shall not be named. With Henry and Pierce fresh off the bye, look for this team to keep the good times rollin’ on the water.
#3 – EB Angry Birdz (+4)
After weeks of panicking, Jonathon Taylor update refreshing, and several gummies, the Birdz are back in the win column with an impressive 103-100 victory over the cheeks. The Sunday morning pickup of Deon Jackson proved to be the difference, with the colts RB putting up 23 points, buoyed by a solid but unspectacular performance from the rest of his squad.
#4 – DB Spa Lords (+1)
The Spa Lords continued to pile on the lowly Offenders and have clawed their way back to 3-3 on the season, thanks to solid performances from his drafted players and keepers. It’s a good thing he is getting production out of these players, as he continues to swing and miss on all of his free agent acquisitions this year, with a combined 6 pts for impact players Cobb/Hill. A league source has revealed to BAFFL.ca that the Lords GM received zero (0) calls on hill despite publicly shopping him.
#5 – Minoterie BIG GUYs (+3)
The BIG GUYS overcame a rigged schedule and a monster week from Breece Hall to put up a convincing 100-87 win, thanks to a 50 burger from Diggs/Allen and a YUGE game from Kenneth Walker. The BIG GUYs are in tough this week with their beloved bills on a bye, and a matchup against (checks notes) the Commissioner. What a fun coincidence….
#6 – Aconitum Wolves (+2)
The Wolves are 4-2, but this team is one of several frauds bearing that record. Unlike the other two frauds, the Wolves will likely head to 5-2 on the season thanks to some generous scheduling at the league office. This team has nothing going for it outside of Chubb, but with the Commish constantly playing against teams who have tons of byes, that should be enough to get into the playoffs.
#7 – McFavres (-4)
Life comes at you fast… One day you are riding high at 4-0 with an unstoppable defense, and the next day you lose to the Mystics and you give up 60 points to Burrow/Chase. The McFavres GM knows his team is in trouble: Tom Brady is a shell of his former self, after a hot start Drake London has fallen off, and he is struggling to find answers at the RB2 slot. Can the McFavres right the ship this week against the sharks? Or will they drop their third in a row, edging them closer to the doomsday scenario for GM Snider (and for Chomps).
#8 – Creek Crossing Sharks (-2)
The Sharks finally got some points from their QB position, and had another solid outing from budding star Breece Hall, but it wasn’t enough to beat the BIG GUYs, as the Tampa Bay stack disappointed against the lowly steelers. This column has been shouting from the rooftops what frauds the Sharks are, and it appears we are finally being vindicated. Look for the Sharks to drop to 4-3 and slide towards the fish bracket.
#9 – Voldemorts (-5)
The team who shall not be named somehow managed to lose this week by putting up 63.8 points, despite a solid effort from maligned RB Alvin Kamara. The Dark Lord just can’t get things right with Duvernay, whose two worst games of the year came on the morts’ starting lineup. In the books, speaking his name gives the dark lord power, but in BAFFL, shining a spotlight on this team highlights them for the garbage they truly are.
#10 – Delamere Dawgpound (-)
As expected, this team dropped a match to the Commissioner with all of their beloved raiders facing a bye week, putting up an embarrassing 63.5 points. On the bright side, Zeke had his best game of the year, and will look to build on that in a plus matchup against the lions. With a soft matchup against the Offenders, GM Boyle should be able to inch closer to .500 at 3-4.
#11 – Moustache Mystics (+2)
After calling out the Burrows/Chase stack, the pair exploded for 60 points in what was supposed to be a tough matchup against the Saints. Maybe this was an aberration with the LSU boys fired up to play in the superdome, or maybe the Mystics will work their way up the BAFFL standings and into the playoff mix. To do so, they’re going to need help at RB, as the James Robinson hype train is firmly off the rails with a combined 13 points the last 3 weeks, Etienne snap share continuing to grow, and Jamycal Hasty even getting some reps.
#12 – Crevasse Cheeks (-)
The cheeks put up an unexpectedly solid effort against the Birdz, but nonetheless fall to 2-4 on the season. Digging deeper into the 100 point performance, there are signs this was a blip. Brandon Aiyuk might not put up another 24 points on the season, and a 13 pt performance from the defense made this score look better than it was. New acquisition Aaron Rodgers put up even less points than Russell Wilson, and is looking for answers after an embarrassing defeat to the jets.
#13 – Essex Offenders (-2)
The Offenders had some tough luck early in the season, but they made their own luck this week, starting Deejay Dallas and his 0.42 fantasy points. Thanks, Yahoo. Geno Smith came crashing back down to earth, and Matt Stafford didn’t look any better on the bench. This team better hope D’Andre Swift is healthy and returns to form, or else we can all pencil in a fish bowl matchup of Hogz vs. Offenders.
#14 – Battle Hogz (-)
You have to hand it to the guy for trying… Nobody has been working the phones harder than GM Corey, who has been trying to unload Melvin Gordon, and struck a deal for Russell Wilson (lol). As the old saying goes, you can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig. You can’t polish a turd, etc. etc. The Hogz put up 50 points in a performance embarrassing even for them. Turns out PJ walker isn’t the answer for DJ Moore, Melvin Gordon is droppable after ceding the starting job to Latavius Murray, and Tony Pollard might just be a backup after all. We’re running out of things to say about this joke of a franchise, if you have any suggestions for future columns please leave them in the comments.
BAFFL 