What an incredible first week of football for BAFFL fans and football fans in general. It was sloppy at times, but man did it ever feel good to be watching football on Sunday and scouring the BAFFL matchups to see who was winning and losing. There’s been no toaster baths just quite yet – but a few GMs are definitely on watch and should be checked in on regularly.
#1 – EB Angry Birdz (+1)
New logo, new team, same old GMGrove, who declared his matchup over after Cooper Kupp barely outscored his projection on Thursday night. Lucky for him, his team did not get the memo, and this absolute wagon put up a 120 spot on the vaunted Magikarps defense. Waddle remained heavily involved in the Dolphins offense despite Hill, Brown is clearly the number one option in Arizona, and if Miles Sanders continues to get the amount of work he did in week one, look out.
#2 – DB Spa Lords (+3)
The mighty Spa Lords put up a 140 burger on the Pontooners, with no kickers, and their best player having a “meh” fantasy day with no touchdowns. It’s a good thing his starting roster is so stacked, because his bench turned out to be just as bad as predicted. Ronald Jones is a healthy scratch in KC (Nick still thinks he’s Fournette’s handcuff), Mattison is a fine handcuff, but the rest of the players are not playable even in the direst of emergencies. The Spa Lords should take a lesson from the BIG GUYs and send a few of these guys packing even before picking up replacements.
#3 – Essex Offenders (+3)
A popular darkhorse pick in the offseason, the offenders delivered in a BIG way week one, further proof that the Commish is intentionally rigging the schedule to keep the BIG GUYs down. Jefferson was simply incredible, Pittman is going to see monster target share all year, and Swift looked outstanding as well. The Offenders overcame some shaky QB play, but there are plenty of options out there for them to shore up the position.
#4 – AA Magikarps (-3)
The football weekend started out with Findley snaking her dad out of the last popsicle and it went downhill from there for the Magikarps GM. Cooper Kupp put up his usual beastly performance on Thursday night, and Jalen hurts had an excellent fantasy week, but the rest of his squad disappointed in a big way. Ekeler and McCaffrey combined for 69 (nice) yards on the ground on 24 carries, in what would have been an even more disastrous day had McCaffrey not found the end zone. Mike Williams was invisible and there’s no one on the bench who looks ready to help. There’s no reason to push the panic button just yet on Aquarium Ave, but it’s fair to say this season is certainly not going to be a cakewalk for the defending champs as previously thought.
#5 – McFavres (-1)
The good: the McFavres get the W against the beat up, washed up Dawgpound. Saquon is officially BACK and the revenge tour is in full swing. Gibson had a big game and most importantly didn’t fumble the ball. Tyreek Hill is still good despite the change in address.
The bad: Kittle is hurt (again) and the options available at TE are horri-awful. Renfrow sucked, and so did Tom Brady.
Special mention: McFavres win Bench of the week – Drake London looks legit, and Michael Carter and Williams are both start-able runningbacks in an emergency scenario.
#6 – Minoterie BIG GUYs (+6)
#BAFFLRigged
The BIG GUYs put up a monster week, but the liberal elites can’t stand to see them succeed, so they continue to rig the schedule to keep them from winning. Quadzilla paid immediate dividends (#Wheelz), Diggs/Allen combo is lethal, and help should be on the way with JK Dobbins in the near future. Perhaps the BIG GUY shouldn’t have drafted like an adult after all, as Montgomery looked terrible in his BIG GUY debut. The BIG GUYs are hard at work in the gym this week to try to overcome the rigged schedule, but would appreciate your support in raising awareness of this grave injustice.
#7 – Pepsiland Pontooners (-4)
There were a few positive takeaways for the treasurer, but a lot more negatives for this title contender. AJ Brown looked unreal in his Eagles debut, and Travis Kelce didn’t miss a beat without Hill (in fact seemed to absorb even more targets). Derrick Henry was fine, but his lack of receptions makes it hard to have a good fantasy day if he doesn’t find the end zone. It’s week 1, but Trey Lance suuuuuucks. If the tooners want to seriously contend, they’re going to have to figure out something better at that position.
#8 – Aconitum Wolves (-1)
The wolves eked out a victory over the team that shall not be named, despite the bonehead move of putting James Cook into the lineup over the far superior option of DJ Chark who predictably put up a solid 13 pt effort. Despite the win, the Wolves could be in for a bit of trouble. Lamb had a terrible week one and his outlook will only get worse with no Dak. Harris is hurt, and even if he manages to get back on the field he is sure to see a decrease in volume. Preseason darling Cole Kmet put up a big ol donut. Lucky for Bob, Nick Chubb is still the man, and this roster is enough to be in the mix for a playoff spot.
#9 – Moustache Mystics (-)
The Mystics did enough to beat the lowly Crevasse Cheeks, but it was far from a convincing win. Ja’mar chase is a god, and the Mystics got a bit of luck with 2 Kareem Hunt TDs, but some weeks those are going to go to Nicholas Chubb. Elijah Mitchell is hurt, and while Robinson certainly looked like he could slot in week 1, ETN looked explosive with his touches, so time will tell how that backfield plays out.
#10 – Delamere Dawgpound (-2)
The dawgpound are off to a disastrous start in what might be this roster’s swan song. Davante Adams looked great in his raider debut, but outside of that… yikes. Tee Higgins is out with a concussion, Dak is gone for 6-8 weeks, and his starting runningbacks put up a combined 13.2 points. Outside of GM Boyle’s QB backup, his bench put up 0.2 points. The window has officially closed on this current group, who will end up without a title despite being a consistent contender for years.
#11 – The Voldemorts (-1)
The team who shall not be named put up an absolute dud week 1 with 67 points, somehow gifting the Commish a free win (#BAFFLRigged). Kamara should bounce back, though it’s not like he had a rough matchup against the falcons. Deebo Samuel is still great, but the rest of the roster could just be exactly what they showed week 1. Maybe just maybe NE has zero fantasy relevant RBs, maybe Tony Pollard will put up the numbers of a backup RB on a bad offense, and Irv Smith Jr. might average less than 5 points a game as Justin Jefferson gets open on every play.
#12 – Creek Crossing Sharks (+1)
Despite giving up on the game and the season, the Sharks put up a respectable stat line and cruised to an easy victory over a beleaguered opponent (more on that later). The sharks got points from just about everyone (except their star TE Kyle Pitts), including a huge game from Cordarrelle Patterson, and a big game from the Sun God who proved last season was not an aberration. The Sharks are still in rebuild mode, but if ETN and Breece Hall turn into the 1A option on their teams, they could surprise a few unsuspecting BAFFL GMs this year.
#13 – Crevasse Cheeks (+1)
It’s hard to believe the Cheeks moved up in the power rankings despite putting up a 70 spot in a winnable matchup, but there was another GM who fared much worse (more on that later), and a few positives to take away for the Cheeks. GM Conde struck gold with Darrell Henderson, who has instantly become the starter in LA, and Eno Benjamin had a great game with limited touches and might insert himself into the mix in Arizona. Man I feel sorry for whoever has the RBs who were supposed to be ahead of them on their team.
14 – Hibiscus Battle Hogz (-3)
LMAOOOOOO hooolllllyyyy shit where to start?! The swine put up what might have been the worst BAFFL performance of all time (thanks for ruining our ability to track Adib), and the most disastrous week one of any franchise ever in this stinker. Cam Akers was stapled to the bench all game, DJ Moore looked like he had Baker Mayfield throwing to him, Aaron Rodgers sucked, Allen Robinson got 2 targets, and James Conner was out produced by Eno Benjamin but saved GM Corey from a 40 something pt performance by falling into the end zone. The lone bright spot on the team was *checks notes* Charlie Kirk. Sometimes it’s best to stay patient and realize it’s only one week, the fantasy season is a long grind and things can change quickly. Other times, it’s best to start planning out a spot for your new fish friend so your wife can pick out the appropriate accessories to make him feel at home.
BAFFL 