Football is back BAFFL fans!
What better way to kick off the season than power rankings ahead of the Bills v Rams game tonight? If you’re a fan of unbiased, hard-hitting analysis, this column is… not for you.
#1 – Aquarium Avenue Magikarps
To no one’s surprise – the karps sit atop the post draft, pre-season rankings. This team has no glaring weaknesses, with top players at each position in their starting lineup. There’s not much negative to say here – except that I do think this team is an injury or two away from fading out of contention. Yes, I know everyone is in the same boat, but a quick look at the bench of the Karps and the depth drops off fairly quickly. Adam Theilen is an easy plug and play if someone goes down, but I’m not so sure any of the other bench players are starting caliber on a championship team. They could end up developing into that, but for a team that is in “win-now” mode, they don’t have a lot of reliable bench players in case their players go down, especially at runningback.
#2 – EB Angry Birds
God it feels good to type this name out, thank you GMGrove for sparing us all another season of that horrible team name. The EB Angry Birds are living proof that having 2RB keepers is more important than just about anything in BAFFL. They didn’t pick until the end of the second round, but still managed to assemble a roster with a high end QB, two fairly solid receivers and a mediocre flex option. After that though, the bench is looking even rougher than the Karps. Pacheco and Burks are nice bench stashes, but GMGrove is in real trouble if any of his starters go down early.
#3 – Pepsiland Pontooners
The Pontooners could easily have been number 2 or even number 1 on the strength of their keepers and multiple high draft picks, but then they went and picked Dameon Pierce 3-4 rounds ahead of his ADP. Time may vindicate the treasurer, and maybe he bought some inside information with league funds, but at the moment it’s a shame seeing Pierce in the flex when guys like Michael Pittman were still available. James has a few intriguing WR depth options on his bench, but like everyone he is a RB injury away from starting Deejay Dallas (or in this case Dontrell Hilliard).
#4 – McFavres
For all the haters out there – I challenge you to look at his team and tell me where the weakness is. With the unfortunate news of Brian Robinson, Antonio Gibson has the backfield to himself for the forseeable future. Saquon is the entire giant’s offense, Kittle is a top 5 TE, and the McFavres have a solid set of receivers with Hill, Jeudy, and Renfrow. The McFavres also have some solid bench options, including some RBs who have a low ceiling but are startable in a pinch. I predict this roster makes the playoffs, and the McFavres achieve their goal of not getting the fish. They’ll be in a tough spot next year though, when they have no firsts for the next two years to trade away.
#5 – DB Spa Lords
The Spa Lords look like a solid team to start the year, and GM Bluesummers smartly opted to buy Dalvin Cook insurance this year for the inevitable 4-5 games he misses. This is especially important this year, because looking at that bench… yikes! This has got to be the worst one yet. Does he know Ronald Jones doesn’t play for Tampa any more? I’m 99% sure he thinks he is still Fournette’s handcuff.
#6 – Essex Offenders
Justin Jefferson aside, this team lacks the high end, explosive star power of some of the BAFFL elite, but is absolutely solid from top to bottom. The Offenders have one of the deepest WR contingents with Brandin Cooks in the flex, and Bobby Trees warming the bench. If Rashaad Penny looks like he did late last year and stays healthy, this team could easily catapult to the top of the standings, but that’s a big IF.
#7 – Aconidoodle Wolves
I was set to rank this roster much higher until I got to the flex spot. DJ Chark? Is he serious? There’s like 10 different options that are better sitting on the waiver wire. Aside from that his roster is easy to hate on with a large contingent of Steelers and Ratbirds, but is made up for by the blessed presence of Nicholas Chubb. Cole Kmet is basically the only option for Justin Fields, so I expect him to finish as a top 5 TE. Please do something about that flex spot Bob.
#8 – Delamere Dawgpound
The Dawgpound are undoubtedly in the end of their “window” for the current core group of Zeke and Adams. Could they win a title with this group? Possibly. Is it likely? No. The Dawgpound may as well rename themselves the black hole or the Cowboys, as GM Boyle is all-in on those squads this year. If they both are top ten offenses, with one of them in the top 5, he might have a shot. This is another absolutely atrocious bench until DeAndre Hopkins comes back from suspension.
#9 – Moustache Mystics
If the Burrow/Chase stack improves over last season, this team could be one to watch. Another team with solid depth top to bottom, this team lacks any glaring holes. The one thing that separates the Mystics from the elite of BAFFL is the lack of a truly high end runningback. Javonte Williams could end up turning into that, or he could continue to get goal line work vultured by Melvin Gordon.
#10 – Voldemorts
There’s a lot to like about this squad, but also a lot to hate about it. In a half PPR league, Alvin Kamara is quite simply an elite option when healthy. Deebo Samuel looked outstanding last year as a dual threat, and has one of the safest floors of any high-end receiver. Justin Herbert should be one of the top QBs in the league on an electric offense. Then we get to Chase Claypool, Damien Harris, and Irv Smith JR. Do yourself a favour and start Amari Cooper or even Devin Duvernay.
#11 – Hibiscus Battle Hogz
The Hogz 2022 roster is a big old collection of “meh” players. They’re not terrible, but is there anyone on this roster who gets your jimmies rustled? DJ Moore is probably the most exciting player since he got a massive upgrade at QB with *checks notes* Baker Mayfield. The rest of his lineup looks like the 2nd team 2017 all stars; Allen Robinson, James Conner, Aaron Rodgers, Melvin Gordon. I think the ceiling for his best player is probably #30 flex option.
#12 – Minoterie BIG Guys
In a runningback league, the BIG GUYs tailbacks are just not good enough to be considered a serious contender. The BIG GUYs don’t have a single RB who has a true 1A workhorse type role with an output to back it up. If Aaron Jones gets hurt, or AJ Dillon surpasses him on the depth chart, the BIG GUYs could rocket up the standings, but for now they are going to be starting the week at a deficit every week getting outscored at that important position.
#13 – Creek Crossing Sharks
Looking at this roster, you would be forgiven for wondering “did GM Pearson draft this team?” The Sharks roster is loaded with players with a lot of potential, but a very uncertain 2022 outlook, particularly in the first half. Etienne, Breece Hall, and Kyle Pitts will undoubtedly be great players in this league, but their 2022 situations are murky at best with questionable offenses surrounding them. Add to that high-risk, low floor players like Amon-ra St. Brown and Elijah Moore, and you can see why the Sharks are ranked so low. It’s not that none of these guys are going to be stars this year, 1-2 of them might break out earlier than expected. But there’s a snowball’s chance in hell that all of them do to the point where the Sharks are a serious contender in 2022.
#14 – Crevasse Cheeks
A picture says 1000 words and this picture says it all. What a sorry collection of fantasy players GM Conde has assembled. This roster rustles less Jimmies than the Hogz, and there’s not even anyone to get excited about for the future. Who the F is he going to keep next year? I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.
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