Hello BAFFL Fans!
I know you all look forward to mock drafts and offseason content, but before I get into that allow me to say a few words about the state of the league. This entire offseason and last year has been an absolute joke and it’s never been clearer that the league is in desperate need of competent leadership. Setting aside IR-Gate which saw multiple GMs lose FAAB dollars, the normal league deadline of setting a draft by June 1 came and went with absolute crickets from the league office. The league then sent out a series of bizarre e-mails initially declaring the draft for September 3rd, then backtracking and asking for input. To top it off, the league then declared they had received all responses, despite missing an answer from GMGrove. In the end the league settled on August 27th for the draft, basically telling the bro-skis to go bring the toaster into the bath tub.
Between this, the ever-changing IR rules, treasurer finance scandals, I ask of the league – how much more are you willing to take?! The answer, apparently, is a lot. With that, let’s get into the first post in a two part series: mock keepers. Stay tuned for a future mock draft post – with the keeper deadline only 3 days before the draft, we’ll have to make some assumptions and our best guess on who will be available.
Projected Keepers:
Magikarps (Possible Keepers: Kupp, Chubb, Ekeler, Harris): Congratulations to the 2022 BAFFL Champion Aquarium Avenue Magikarps. The karps got a boost last season by bringing Chomps into the fold, a fitting home for the loveable BAFFL mascot. That makes two years in a row where the last place GM completely flips the script, going from worst to first. Can GM Allen continue the trend this year? Keep reading to find out! (spoiler alert: absolutely not)
The Karps have plenty of options at the keeper slot and will look to wheel and deal to amass draft picks. Sources indicate the price for one of these prestigious keepers is high, and a third round pick isn’t going to cut it. With the 3rd overall pick, GM Dufresne could simply snap up whoever he decides to let back into the draft, or at least get a high quality player in return. Look for GM Dufresne to embrace his role as BAFFL villain by keeping steeler Najee Harris, and long-time keeper Austin Ekeler, dealing trade-deadline acquisition Nick Chubb and possibly Kupp to the have-nots of BAFFL.
Projected Keepers: Najee Harris, Austin Ekeler
Battle Hogz (Possible Keepers: Diggs, Carter, Waller, Akers): More important than the championship, congratulations to the Hoglets on finishing runner up! According to GM Tyler, this is actually the real prize of BAFFL and basically as good as or better than winning. Aside from Diggs, Corey has a plethora of “meh” keepers, so likely will not be able to wheel and deal his way to a treasure trove of draft picks like GM Dufresne. The play here is probably to keep Diggs and Waller, but the prospect of drafting Jordan Howard at the 13th spot will scare this GM into keeping Akers.
Projected Keepers: Diggs, Akers
Edgar Brault-Skis (Possible Keepers: Cooper, Taylor, Mixon, Barkley): How long will the GMs of the league allow for this farce of a team name to continue? GMGrove needs to invest some of the money he is directly pocketing from higher interest rates into a rebrand soon, or he may find his team goes the way of the Charlotte St. Pythons soon. Taylor is as no-brainer of a keeper as you can get, but the second keeper slot is where it gets interesting. He may be able to flip one of Mixon or Barkley for a third or fourth round pick, so it may come down to whoever can fetch the higher price. Expect the sunk cost fallacy to prevail and for Barkley to remain with the skis in 2022-2023.
Projected Keepers: Taylor, Barkley
Crevasse Cheeks (Possible Keepers: Jacobs, AJ Brown, Patterson, Gibson): The Crevasse Cheeks brief rebrand to the BrownCheeks was an utter disaster, with off-field issues rampant and locker room chemistry being absolutely destroyed. Look for the cheeks to cut ties with all of their former brown-named players, and look to repair their relationship in the community. Josh Jacobs has been a perennial disappointment, and look for the team to cut ties, fetching a third or fourth round pick. Cheeks will roll into 2022 with Patterson and Gibson at RB.
Projected Keepers: Patterson, Gibson
Mystics (Possible Keepers: Chase, Williams, Jones, CEH): The Mystics posted a respectable 7-7 record and were bounced from the playoffs by the champs in round 1 – a season that would be considered a success by Gorilla or Spa Lord standards, but a disappointment for Mystics GM Lawan. The good news is the keeper pool is deep, headlined by one of the most exciting young players in the game in Chase. Look for this GM to wheel and deal ahead of the deadline, but my sources indicate Mystics are high on Williams and won’t let him go cheap.
Projected Keepers: Chase, Williams
Dawg Pound (Possible Keepers: Adams, Elliott, Pollard, Evans): The Dawg Pound have been one of the most consistent contenders in BAFFL over the last decade, on the strength of their keepers and shrewd drafting. However, is the championship window closing for this group? It’s a fair question to ask with Zeke ceding more and more work to Pollard as the carries accumulate and take a toll on his body. Time will tell if Adams can be as effective with Derek Carr at the helm. With that said, the Dawg Pound have no choice but to run it back with these two, in the hopes that they can win a title before having to enter a full-blown rebuild.
Projected Keepers: Elliott, Adams
Spa Lords (Possible Keepers: Cook, Penny, Eli Mitchell, Uncle Lenny): This column loves to poke fun at the Spa Lords, but some things are bigger than fantasy football and GM Tyler suffered a devastating calf injury in the off-season and we wish him a speedy recovery. As it turns out, having naturally jacked legs sometimes isn’t enough. The spa lords have lots of good options and are expected to be a major pain in the ass to trade with this offseason. Expect lots of “I actually threw up in my mouth” responses to your trade offers, and demands for multiple first round picks.
Projected Keepers: Cook, Mitchell
Voldemorts (Possible Keepers: Kamara, Samuel, Hunt): Another franchise desperately in need of a rebrand, sources have told me the Voldemorts are very uneasy about their keeper situation. Kamara is coming off his worst season in years, and with Jameis Winston returning to the fold with his allergy to check-downs, we can expect more of the same. Deebo Samuel has demanded a trade, but has reported to mini-camp so time will tell how that situation plays out. Kareem Hunt is a solid option, but it’s tough to justify keeping a second-string RB, even if he is a Brown. The Voldemorts will likely make a trade here, but don’t expect them to go big game hunting. My sense is they part with a third round pick for a budget option.
Projected Keepers: Kamara, CEH (Trade from Mystics)
Pontooners: Nothing to see here, Kelce and Henry.
Essex Offenders (Possible Keepers: Swift, Robinson, Jackson, DK Metcalf): The Offenders have finally found a legit RB in D’Andre Swift, absolutely no chance they let him go. The second keeper choice becomes more interesting – Robinson is coming off a major injury and could give up work to Etienne, Jackson plays for the ratbirds and is going 0-16, and DK Metcalf is currently holding out for a new contract as he stares down the barrel of Drew Lock as Seattle’s QB1. Expect the Offenders to kick tires on a second RB, pulling the trigger if the price is right:
Projected Keepers: Swift, Josh Jacobs (Trade from Cheeks)
Sharks (Possible Keepers: Waddle, Pitts, Sanders, Etienne): Probably the biggest mystery in the draft, the Sharks lack any obvious keepers but have some intriguing rookies that could make GM Sheahan decide to stand put instead of making a big splash. Little known stat: the GM has 8 picks in the first 4 rounds including number 4 overall, so the GM may opt to hang onto the stash of 8 picks in the first 4 rounds to draft 8 quality players in the first 4 rounds.
Projected Keepers: Waddle, Pitts
McFavres (Possible and Projected Keepers: Kittle, Hill): After making a big splash last season to trade for George Kittle, don’t expect any surprises here. Kittle and Hill will backstop the Jamie revenge tour 2022-2023.
Aconitum (sp?) Wolves (Possible Keepers: McCaffrey, Amon-Ra St. Brown, DeAndre Hopkins): The wolves are in a state of disarray after one of their worst seasons in franchise history. The GM will likely blame it on the injury to McCaffrey, but the truth is his team was gargbage and St. Brown was the lone bright spot. Will he have the stones to spend a keeper slot on an unproven Detroit lions rookie who showed flashes in the back half of the season? Either way, it doesn’t matter and expect the GM to deal McCaffrey during the season to get ahead of the next injury.
Projected Keepers: McCaffrey, St. Brown
Gorilla Gorilla Gorilla (Possible Keepers: Josh Allen, JK Dobbins): After flirting with the goldfish almost every year, GM Allen is finally bringing chomps home. To the surprise of no one, he has somehow convinced Kaylie to take care of the little guy and keep him in her office. The rest of the league breathes a sigh of relief, as there is no way chomps made it through a full year in the legendary bodybuilding basement. This GM will likely keep Josh Allen and make a splash for a second keeper, hoping to continue the trend of chomps holders going on to win the title. He will fall incredibly short, and will very likely be in the chomps bowl once again in 2023.
Projected Keepers: Josh Allen, Nick Chubb (Trade from Karps)
That’s it for the mock keepers, stay tuned for a future mock draft post!
BAFFL 